masturbation

i hate that word!!! it feels so... clinical, in a way. it's a very unsexy word. mas-tur-bate. but then there isn't really a lot of words relating to it that i like, i don't think any of them appeal to me. they're too crude or too male or too uncomfortable, and none of those feel like my experience with this. i have an interesting relationship with all of this- i don't know if anyone would understand it if i tried to explain, but it doesn't matter. masturbation is just a physical act that gives pleasure. it's just stimulating nerve endings. it's weird to talk about it so openly, sometimes i feel really guilty for enjoying these things- i don't really know why. but i like to close my eyes whilst doing it and think about things with people i like, not really sex or anything. just nice, romantic things. it's very pathetic but i do like pretending that someone else, a lover, is doing it for me. but when it comes to the erotic and the romantic, i am deeply pathetic. always have been, lust takes over my body. i really, really miss physical intimacy.


gustav klimt

fun fact: women in the victorian ages who suffered from hysteria, were often (apparently, this is a hypothesis) treated with masturbation & orgasms. it was of course, not refered as that, instead being called a "pelvic massage", but physicians would stimulate their patient's genitals (the clit! :D), to the point of orgasm.

artifical intelligence

i was never into it, not even when it first started to become a cultural and technological phenonomen. it always bored me, the way a robot could produce text or information or images based on inputting data from the entire internet. wow. it can recite stuff, you can talk to it? that's craaaaazy. i mean, the technolgy side of it, the coding, is probably pretty intriguing to look at, but the results of said code mean nothing to me. it all utilises that soulless, vacuous style regardless of the outcome, of the media generated- "certainly! here's the code for your shitty startup app!" it is an affront to god. you can make the images it generates more impressive, with better fingers and a frightening level of realism, but that's all it's really good for. it won't really get any better. is it possible for it to become *too realistic*, past the point of normality, of recognition? where it becomes some strange sight beyond our human comprehension? how far can it go? where is the limit? in that regard, i am fairly intrigued, but more so out of morbid curiousity, of seeing how dystopian it can get. aside from that, it's pretty dull. there isn't much else to do with it all. it's just completely empty, these AI companies starting up are doomed to fail; it's already been done. organise your time, your files, your team, et cetera, with AI? waow. that's truly innovative. i'm sure in fifty years, you'll still be around. hey, you might be hailed as a pioneer!!!!!